The Joy Forsaken Bus

I really wanted to try this.

I went on the roof, and saw the sun shine with just a hint of clouds around the corners. I clenched my fist with a force that could roll my fingers up in my skin. Pressed one foot forward and strung the other back out to give my body the thrust it needed in order to manage enough lift for what I was about to do. I stared at the sun, not blinking at all, feeling strong as its warmth touched my corneas. And by the time the glare started filling up my irises, I was sure that this was going to work. With that thought, I rushed my hands an inch back and started thinking about her. Within a fraction of second I felt a pinch in my heart. Something powerful that lived inside was no longer dormant, scratching the surface, finding a way out. It started as if someone had lit a matchstick and shoved it in my heart, and, gradually spread out like wildfire through my blood stream. The only difference was that this was way more aggressive than wildfire can ever be. Before I could tame my thoughts, they exploded in every direction, unleashing a tide of felts. I was high and it was starting to swift me. I felt a drat force on my back, as if something under my skin was bulging out, at that instance, I could have sworn that wings were about to sprout out and spread behind me. I gazed over my shoulder just to get a jest of it, but collapsed on my knees, and drained the moment out of it.

All I could see was darkness, pouring onto my eyeballs, and edges clear, probably, the sun showing me my place. My left eye started clearing up as I ran down the stairs, and missed one. Rolled down like a tennis ball, and twisted my ankle, landed face first on the floor to see my mom giving me the stink eye.  This soon evolved into a heavy badgering of what I am supposed to do and what not…It went on and on and on…

…..Angel giggled at what I said, as she looked out the window, her eyes trying to find something that was nowhere to be found. Morning breeze dared played with her hair as she tucked them back of her ears and finally spoke.

Look, I get what you are trying to say, and I know this is so amazing that we are feeling being in love with each other but, what you are saying is not at all possible, you felt what you needed, and frankly your body is a slave to your mind, so, it will run over the hills if that’s what you need to make yourself believe that our love like any other love is not ordinary. And once you meet my parents they will make sure this is etched on your very belief that we could be one someday and you will..

I had to cut her off of her thought and said…that is rather rude for a beautiful morning. You need a cup of strong coffee, remind me to fetch you one as soon as we get off this joy forsaken bus.

She nodded in approval.

After a minute or so, she said, “Sanket, look at this sky, what do you see?”

I replied, “Can’t I just look at you and tell you what I see”.

“No, you dumbass, you've been looking at me for 35 minutes now, it’s time you had a change of scenery. Moreover, you are in a college bus, better behave yourself.” She demanded, while pushing my face away with her palm. Bottom of her palm touched my lips in the process and I couldn’t help but kiss it. She withdrew her hand immediately, and looked out of the window again; her eyes closed this time and her face blank. She started breathing heavily and grabbed my hand. She tangled her fingers with mine and pressed hard. I could almost hear her heartbeat through our tightly braced hands. Her face still showed no emotions whatsoever. I panicked, grew scared, but couldn’t speak.

Few seconds later, she managed “Sanket”. She said in a high pitched voice as words hardly escaped her mouth. I didn’t know if she was calling me or talking to herself, or just checking how the word ‘Sanket’ vibrated in silence. She said my name one more time, her voice stronger this time, almost as if trying to make a point in this pointless awkwardness. I had no clue what was going on. She opened her eyes, glanced out the window, inhaled all the air she possibly could and shouted ‘Sanket’ at the top of her lungs. It was deafening. Everyone on the bus went silent started looking at me instead of her. Faculty members showed keen interest on what went around in our little bus seat. One of them said, meet me in my office at 11:00, we are going to have a long talk about this, and yeah, come alone. I gave him the screw you look and turned back to angel, who was still looking out the window.

Me: What the hell was that?

She: Realization.

Me: Are you sure? It sounded like an orgasm.

She: Quiet now (Placing her finger on my lips). You talk too much. Look out the window, don’t think, just look.

Me (keeping my mouth chapped at the finger’s intersection): What has gotten into you? I am scared now.

She ignored “Look at the sky. What do you see?”

The sky was scattered with white clouds all around. It was distorted, vast, irregular and beautiful. Sun was at the center of all this, with its crooked smile, looking at me as if saying “Remember me from this morning? Where is your cape, superman?” Before it could mock me any further I looked at angel and said ‘endless possibilities’

She: What?

Me: Yes, that is what comes to mind. I think sky symbolizes vast never ending possibilities. Its stillness can encourage hope and guide you into peace. Look at it, there is an unknown calmness.

She: You really think hope can guide you into peace?

Me: I don’t know.

She: Look at the sky closely, it is full of randomness and is constantly moving, you cannot tell what is what. But, when you look at it as a whole, it seems peaceful. It is chaotic and peaceful at the same time; it’s just a matter of perception. You are exactly like the sky; you can take in all the chaos and be peaceful at the same time.

By the time she explained why I was like the sky, the bus had reached the college and the driver parked it in front of the main gate. People arranged themselves in a line and started exiting the bus one at a time. We were still in our seats waiting for the entire crowd to clear out. I stood up; she leaned in over my shoulder from the back and whispered in my ear, “Why won’t you kiss me?”

I couldn't come up with any response and settled with “Why won’t YOU kiss me?”

To be honest, kissing is a big deal for me; I cannot just go and kiss a girl if I don’t have feelings for her. But, I did have feelings for angel, so, what was keeping me from kissing her? I guess, somewhere in my conscience I knew that if she is really not that deep into the relationship as I was, she wouldn't find it intimate or for that instance just perfect. For that reason, the thought of kissing her always eluded my mind. And for some reason, most of the time I thought of ways through which I could show her what all feelings she was missing out, always thinking about what was going to happen rather than focusing on what was happening. She was always afraid. Always. Sometimes, I just wished she would take my hand and never look back. I can try to pull her through her fears. I even extended my hands, both metaphorically and literally, but she was not able to look past her phantoms. It needed more time than I thought.  I believed that a kiss would mean nothing unless she is free of fright-shackles. Yeah, I know I am a Dreamer, but, I suppose, only a dreamer is obsessive enough to see to it that his dreams have met what they meant all along. I mean, isn't it the final answer? To have your hope rewarded? This was why I was not able to kiss her. However, the way she screamed my name hemorrhaging the air, that was surely a crack in the wall and I saw the fear escaping. It seemed kiss of love was the answer that I was looking for.

At my response, I saw the light disappear from her eyelids. She pushed me; I landed in the 3-seaters I was standing in front of. Luckily, there was no one there, as most of the students were off the bus.

“Hey, that was uncalled for.” I said standing up.

“You got exactly what you deserve, well, minus the kick on the butt.”  She said looking away as she approached the bus door. She tried to hide her mischievous smile from me but failed.

I stood up and ran behind her; we were almost at the bus door. Before she could take another step away from me, I grabbed her by the hand and pulled her back, with a jolt, she was in my arms, her hair slid in front of her face and she looked down at her palms resting on my chest. My heart brushed itself against her fingers while pounding. I raised my hand and pushed the hair away as back of my fingers caressed her cheeks. I looked around the bus one more time, no one was there. Even the bus driver was missing. Oh boy, this was perfect. I leaned in and felt her warm accelerated breath on my neck. She closed her eyes and longed for my lips to finally touch hers. I inched closer, and heard a loud scream ‘SANKET’. It was a manly shout.  Upon gazing in the direction of the sound waves, I saw a perverted dude, peaking on us through a draped window of an adjacent bus. Angel pushed me away and sat on the nearby seat. This dude ran up to me and asked ‘What is going on here?’

Me: Well, the plan was to kiss her so passionately to create a buzz in her head that would last a lifetime.

He (asking angel): Young lady, do you have something to say for yourself?

Me: Now, who the fuck are you and why the heck is this your problem? What we do is none of your God damned business. I don’t know how you know my name but, you better leave with your creepy eyes before I pop them out.

He: You better watch your mouth; you are talking to your new lecturer.

I swallowed my tongue, pressed my teeth shut and zipped my lips.

Angel: What subject and stream?

He: Mechanical, multiple subjects.

My jaw muscles buffed up.

Me: I think you should leave; you have no power here.

He: I can make your life living hell.

Me: I would like to see you try.

He: I am going to report this to your HOD. This is outrageous.

Me: For that you would have to leave here, which is what I am trying to imply since my last three sentences.

He left, well, for the moment, cussing me in his thick voice. Angel gave me a short lecture on my behavior towards the professors while tying her hair. I ignored and proposed a bet, the 1^st one to kiss the other before end of the day would win. She inquired about the stakes. ‘Whatever the winner says’ I suggested. She agreed. I tried ‘Should we seal the deal with a kiss?’

“Sure, why not? ..oh you almost got me there.” She teased as she rolled her eyes to the obvious.

We went to our respective classrooms, formulating our plans.

More in the next post. Thank you.