The Joy Forsaken Bus

I really wanted to try this.

I went on the roof, and saw the sun shine with just a hint of clouds around the corners. I clenched my fist with a force that could roll my fingers up in my skin. Pressed one foot forward and strung the other back out to give my body the thrust it needed in order to manage enough lift for what I was about to do. I stared at the sun, not blinking at all, feeling strong as its warmth touched my corneas. And by the time the glare started filling up my irises, I was sure that this was going to work. With that thought, I rushed my hands an inch back and started thinking about her. Within a fraction of second I felt a pinch in my heart. Something powerful that lived inside was no longer dormant, scratching the surface, finding a way out. It started as if someone had lit a matchstick and shoved it in my heart, and, gradually spread out like wildfire through my blood stream. The only difference was that this was way more aggressive than wildfire can ever be. Before I could tame my thoughts, they exploded in every direction, unleashing a tide of felts. I was high and it was starting to swift me. I felt a drat force on my back, as if something under my skin was bulging out, at that instance, I could have sworn that wings were about to sprout out and spread behind me. I gazed over my shoulder just to get a jest of it, but collapsed on my knees, and drained the moment out of it.

All I could see was darkness, pouring onto my eyeballs, and edges clear, probably, the sun showing me my place. My left eye started clearing up as I ran down the stairs, and missed one. Rolled down like a tennis ball, and twisted my ankle, landed face first on the floor to see my mom giving me the stink eye.  This soon evolved into a heavy badgering of what I am supposed to do and what not…It went on and on and on…

…..Angel giggled at what I said, as she looked out the window, her eyes trying to find something that was nowhere to be found. Morning breeze dared played with her hair as she tucked them back of her ears and finally spoke.

Look, I get what you are trying to say, and I know this is so amazing that we are feeling being in love with each other but, what you are saying is not at all possible, you felt what you needed, and frankly your body is a slave to your mind, so, it will run over the hills if that’s what you need to make yourself believe that our love like any other love is not ordinary. And once you meet my parents they will make sure this is etched on your very belief that we could be one someday and you will..

I had to cut her off of her thought and said…that is rather rude for a beautiful morning. You need a cup of strong coffee, remind me to fetch you one as soon as we get off this joy forsaken bus.

She nodded in approval.

After a minute or so, she said, “Sanket, look at this sky, what do you see?”

I replied, “Can’t I just look at you and tell you what I see”.

“No, you dumbass, you've been looking at me for 35 minutes now, it’s time you had a change of scenery. Moreover, you are in a college bus, better behave yourself.” She demanded, while pushing my face away with her palm. Bottom of her palm touched my lips in the process and I couldn’t help but kiss it. She withdrew her hand immediately, and looked out of the window again; her eyes closed this time and her face blank. She started breathing heavily and grabbed my hand. She tangled her fingers with mine and pressed hard. I could almost hear her heartbeat through our tightly braced hands. Her face still showed no emotions whatsoever. I panicked, grew scared, but couldn’t speak.

Few seconds later, she managed “Sanket”. She said in a high pitched voice as words hardly escaped her mouth. I didn’t know if she was calling me or talking to herself, or just checking how the word ‘Sanket’ vibrated in silence. She said my name one more time, her voice stronger this time, almost as if trying to make a point in this pointless awkwardness. I had no clue what was going on. She opened her eyes, glanced out the window, inhaled all the air she possibly could and shouted ‘Sanket’ at the top of her lungs. It was deafening. Everyone on the bus went silent started looking at me instead of her. Faculty members showed keen interest on what went around in our little bus seat. One of them said, meet me in my office at 11:00, we are going to have a long talk about this, and yeah, come alone. I gave him the screw you look and turned back to angel, who was still looking out the window.

Me: What the hell was that?

She: Realization.

Me: Are you sure? It sounded like an orgasm.

She: Quiet now (Placing her finger on my lips). You talk too much. Look out the window, don’t think, just look.

Me (keeping my mouth chapped at the finger’s intersection): What has gotten into you? I am scared now.

She ignored “Look at the sky. What do you see?”

The sky was scattered with white clouds all around. It was distorted, vast, irregular and beautiful. Sun was at the center of all this, with its crooked smile, looking at me as if saying “Remember me from this morning? Where is your cape, superman?” Before it could mock me any further I looked at angel and said ‘endless possibilities’

She: What?

Me: Yes, that is what comes to mind. I think sky symbolizes vast never ending possibilities. Its stillness can encourage hope and guide you into peace. Look at it, there is an unknown calmness.

She: You really think hope can guide you into peace?

Me: I don’t know.

She: Look at the sky closely, it is full of randomness and is constantly moving, you cannot tell what is what. But, when you look at it as a whole, it seems peaceful. It is chaotic and peaceful at the same time; it’s just a matter of perception. You are exactly like the sky; you can take in all the chaos and be peaceful at the same time.

By the time she explained why I was like the sky, the bus had reached the college and the driver parked it in front of the main gate. People arranged themselves in a line and started exiting the bus one at a time. We were still in our seats waiting for the entire crowd to clear out. I stood up; she leaned in over my shoulder from the back and whispered in my ear, “Why won’t you kiss me?”

I couldn't come up with any response and settled with “Why won’t YOU kiss me?”

To be honest, kissing is a big deal for me; I cannot just go and kiss a girl if I don’t have feelings for her. But, I did have feelings for angel, so, what was keeping me from kissing her? I guess, somewhere in my conscience I knew that if she is really not that deep into the relationship as I was, she wouldn't find it intimate or for that instance just perfect. For that reason, the thought of kissing her always eluded my mind. And for some reason, most of the time I thought of ways through which I could show her what all feelings she was missing out, always thinking about what was going to happen rather than focusing on what was happening. She was always afraid. Always. Sometimes, I just wished she would take my hand and never look back. I can try to pull her through her fears. I even extended my hands, both metaphorically and literally, but she was not able to look past her phantoms. It needed more time than I thought.  I believed that a kiss would mean nothing unless she is free of fright-shackles. Yeah, I know I am a Dreamer, but, I suppose, only a dreamer is obsessive enough to see to it that his dreams have met what they meant all along. I mean, isn't it the final answer? To have your hope rewarded? This was why I was not able to kiss her. However, the way she screamed my name hemorrhaging the air, that was surely a crack in the wall and I saw the fear escaping. It seemed kiss of love was the answer that I was looking for.

At my response, I saw the light disappear from her eyelids. She pushed me; I landed in the 3-seaters I was standing in front of. Luckily, there was no one there, as most of the students were off the bus.

“Hey, that was uncalled for.” I said standing up.

“You got exactly what you deserve, well, minus the kick on the butt.”  She said looking away as she approached the bus door. She tried to hide her mischievous smile from me but failed.

I stood up and ran behind her; we were almost at the bus door. Before she could take another step away from me, I grabbed her by the hand and pulled her back, with a jolt, she was in my arms, her hair slid in front of her face and she looked down at her palms resting on my chest. My heart brushed itself against her fingers while pounding. I raised my hand and pushed the hair away as back of my fingers caressed her cheeks. I looked around the bus one more time, no one was there. Even the bus driver was missing. Oh boy, this was perfect. I leaned in and felt her warm accelerated breath on my neck. She closed her eyes and longed for my lips to finally touch hers. I inched closer, and heard a loud scream ‘SANKET’. It was a manly shout.  Upon gazing in the direction of the sound waves, I saw a perverted dude, peaking on us through a draped window of an adjacent bus. Angel pushed me away and sat on the nearby seat. This dude ran up to me and asked ‘What is going on here?’

Me: Well, the plan was to kiss her so passionately to create a buzz in her head that would last a lifetime.

He (asking angel): Young lady, do you have something to say for yourself?

Me: Now, who the fuck are you and why the heck is this your problem? What we do is none of your God damned business. I don’t know how you know my name but, you better leave with your creepy eyes before I pop them out.

He: You better watch your mouth; you are talking to your new lecturer.

I swallowed my tongue, pressed my teeth shut and zipped my lips.

Angel: What subject and stream?

He: Mechanical, multiple subjects.

My jaw muscles buffed up.

Me: I think you should leave; you have no power here.

He: I can make your life living hell.

Me: I would like to see you try.

He: I am going to report this to your HOD. This is outrageous.

Me: For that you would have to leave here, which is what I am trying to imply since my last three sentences.

He left, well, for the moment, cussing me in his thick voice. Angel gave me a short lecture on my behavior towards the professors while tying her hair. I ignored and proposed a bet, the 1^st one to kiss the other before end of the day would win. She inquired about the stakes. ‘Whatever the winner says’ I suggested. She agreed. I tried ‘Should we seal the deal with a kiss?’

“Sure, why not? ..oh you almost got me there.” She teased as she rolled her eyes to the obvious.

We went to our respective classrooms, formulating our plans.

More in the next post. Thank you.

Hold On And Never Let Go

Something called love. There is this one thing that keeps bothering every human mind. Fascinating as it may be along with lifelong curiosity to feel it or rather embrace it. For those of who think love is some kind of butterflies in the tummy feeling, well of course you are wrong morons, its crush. You’ll get over it. The hard part is after that, not love but lust. Well to define love, it is the thin line between crush and lust, that’s why it’s hard to find, and hence the misplaced concepts. To put it in a honest to God way, its fucking confusing and gets more confusing while you go along. Like shit happens, same, love happens. And for that you have no one to blame, curse or even regret. Its up to you for what you make out of it. You can either let it destroy you or you can let it embrace the life in you. There’s always a choice in anything you come across. You just can’t see it yet. Not until its too late. Good guess is our only option. Just like the solution to your every possible problem is there in your head you just need to figure it out, given a little commitment and a fucking lot of obsession.

Keep your actions clean and intentions pure. Pure as not in the opposite of “sick” way, cause there’s not much left of a man if he doesn’t fantasize. Love is the purest form of element available in abundance around us, we just need the eyes to see it, senses to feel it. And loving your BF, GF is not the only kind of love, it bears many form, motherly warmth and caring is the best example, to be exact.

I’m not telling you to believe in “love will find you” kind of bullshit, cause I never did, well atleast not before I met her. I never thought we’d come to this. Standing by each other. I won’t lie to you, its tough, even more than tough, its fucked up. There are times you just lie in your bed at night not feeling a single goddamn thing, tears rolling down your fucking face and there’s nothing you can do about it except to accept it. The shit hurts, for days. The funny part is you cant even let it go, not even a bit. All the pain it brings is just a consolation. It’s a package deal, pain included. But when things look up, there is no better felling you could be filled with in your entire life. All the pain vanishes into thin air and leaves you crystalline solid happiness.

We’re all frustrated Indian youth, every second word that comes out of any teenager starts with a F and ends with a K, and trust me it’s not facebook. The thing is, the life of today, you really don’t know what to expect out of it. They say smoking kills you slow, let alone drinking. But the thing that needed to be understood is that life will kill you, its heavy..but to be honest life gives a fuck about you only if you don’t give a fuck about it. Yeah, the concept of ignorance works great, more than you ever could expect. But the thing I want to tell you is that we’ve all got one life and that, unfortunately, is not so long. So love is the only way that can pull us through and make the most out of this fucking life. And even if you beg to differ, smoking pot also gets the job done, partially. But who knows, I just a sick delusional lunatic on a lease. Let your heart explore what exactly do you need. And for those of you, who were offended by my recent writings, all is want to say is Fuck You.! Cause I’m back and I’m gonna write the shit out of this thing.

I don’t exactly think that this story had a great beginning and sure as hell not sure what to expect from the ending bt one thing that I’m damn sure about is that I gotta try. I don’t want mysylf looking back after 10 20 years from now and realizing that this was the best thing ever happened to me and was worth a shot, worth trying for, worth dying for. I don’t believe in chances , coincidences , all I know is that I believe what I see, or at least what makes sense. But its love that makes me believe. I don’t know what hope means or anything close to that but the thing I’m sure about is that love teaches you to hold on and never let go, because when it’s true, it’s hard to walk away. And this goes for everything, hold on and never let go, don’t it?

Fucktards

Dealt with break-up. Free, I was free, just like any other single being out there. There were no constraints or boundaries. No more to care for. Its said that most awesome moments of life are best experienced when single. I thought as Barney said..an engineer, I build something out of nothing, just like God. And no one is hotter than God, so, any girl would fall for me. But why the hell I wasn't feeling that way? Why in the world do I keep punching myself with: dude its over, you are nothing more than the dirt in the dusk. You can never be what you were, and maybe it was true and now I know it is true once you step in this world you are never the same as the day before. Your older version is buried into the night and a new one arises with the morning sun. The things you do or don't decides your future. The choices you made don't just leave you alone. They follow you till the very end. It revolves around you time to time. The deja vu you witness on regular basis is just a glimpse of the choice that you didn't make. An alternate parallel universe exist for every choice you ever made and also for the road not taken. And this whole thing lead to a single dark hole known as abyss which, no one of us can ever escape. More importantly, at the moment I didn't had a choice. I thought I was approaching abyss. The pain was silent but able enough to kill at any instance. I lost my way of thinking, observing as well as talking. Confidence was long gone, and no where near returning. The only thing I can think of was the way my break up was executed by the so called God. The only talked about supreme being. And so, I am going to talk a lot about God in this particular blog. It was just 12th day and I had started loosing it. This break-up was getting on my nerves. I was really loosing it. Soon the magic in music was fading away. Everything that once looked beautiful to my eyes kept getting uglier day after other. But her face somehow kept getting much prettier day by day in my not much left conscious. And the desire of getting her back was off the rooftops and I feared that it might explode any second. Now it was over a month, I hadn't seen her for real. Moreover, I was most afraid to show her my face. I don't know why this kind of feeling housed me. But it kept punching me down deeper in to the ground. I stopped showing up at the collage. I locked myself into my home and hoped never to get out. I thought, by now everyone would've assumed that I was gone for good. My every moment passed wondering what she'd be doing? Would she be remembering me this very moment? Or is she over me and had all the memories flushed out of her system? What was going on her mind when she dumped me? Or did she really dumped me? Or was there some really messed up reason for us to part our ways? These all ridiculous questions bugged me throughout my healing process, which, is hard to refer as healing. But for the sake of this story lets have it this way.

Break-up with angel assured my break-up with my beloved cell phone which had become my second girlfriend ever since. And sooner we weren't sharing the same bed, nor it was found in my hands for more than a minute. I deliberately started missing each and every call appearing on my cell. My only communication link to the outer world was the old land line phone. Only a few of my friends had that number , yeah, obviously angel did too.

To take the edge off I registered on Facebook, currently the mother of all social networking websites. Finally, I had found a temporary remedy to suppress this hurt. I stayed logged in for almost 24 hours a day. Insomnia had hit me like a shovel, left me bleeding from head to toe. I always kept my chat status offline, in order to avoid any outer world contact. Thank God, I found 'Farmville' and 'Mafia Wars' , the small addictive games on Facebook that kept my mind functioning in such brutal situations. Yeah, I love games, each and every kind, from the yellow headed Pac-man to the bloody World of Warcraft. I spent most my time saving Mario's girlfriend when I was a young boy. After all video games are a poor substitute for life. Obviously, its better to have a poor substitute than to have none. All I needed was just a push from behind by some kind of inspiration. It would've been much better if it was to be a kick on the ass to give a jump start. But, when you need a thing the most, its never there.

There's one incident I would like to share with you guys, hope it helps you or rather inspires you in one way or the other. It helped me time to time, when I'm in a dark cold place.

Some of my school friends gathered to cheer me up. A lot of them didn't know what had happened since we all had been away. Many of them didn't even know I got committed in the first place. All that they knew was that I was feeling a bit low for some reason. And that is all they needed. Rascals somehow convinced me to go out for a movie giving me all “ for the sake of friendship” crap...notanki sale. And of course, I bought it. Dhrumil, was about to pick me up at a meeting point near the railway tracks, its close to my home, moreover, it was the farthest I can get if not on a vehicle. I slipped my chickeny legs into a dark black denim and threw on an off white short shirt, which I partially stuffed into my denim, leaving the upper second most button open. Which reminded me how angel always used to ask me or rather shout at me to button up that below collar button. Furthermore, I took a comb in my hand and looked at it for some seconds. I thought I had totally forgotten how to use this gadget. This also put angel's face in front of my eyes. I missed how she used to comb my messed up hair with her bare fingers. At the same time I felt a bit angry at myself for letting her go, being unable to stop her from leaving. So, I took the the comb and ran it through the barren land of my hair follicles over my head in a single breath. At times it made me scream as the comb teeth progressed through the cemented scalp. After a while, before leaving home, I felt like canceling the plan, but I didn't want to give fucktards any reason to scold me afterward. We all friends are so close that we always greet each others with a set of insults. So don't get any other out of the picture idea. And yeah you heard me right, “Fucktards” Is the word I used to refer to my school friends. In fact, my whole school friends group should be referred to as Fucktards, including me. Retarded in our own special way. Every single being on the group is only one of its kind. This made me take a trip down the memory lane and think of how crazy were the times we all had when together in school. Until this collage crap came and made us all move away. This seemed like a more appealing reason to meet up the guys. So I followed the plan. Unfortunately, my 4 more besties were away for some reasons. Tatla aka Nikhil was in jaipur preparing for his endsems. Gahlot aka Harshvardhan and Jambhale aka Abhishek were off to college and were not able to come. Bevda aka Bhajju aka Shivam was at his college in baroda. His nickname bevda does not suggest that he is a drunkard but its because of the facial effects he is capable of pulling.

Anyways, as soon as Dhrumil arrived we headed to Shakya's (aka Siddharth) home and then to Malu's (aka Anant). We were to meet up rest of the friends at the multiplex. Drumil was somewhat aware of my case, as he was a local, and we used to exchange some formal chitchats via texts. But he didn't ask me upfront, I thought its because it would screw up my mood. We were on time, for the first time I guess, as Sanchit and Aakash aka Khambha were smiling at us as if teasing us for being on time. I was feeling good to finally see my friends after a long time. We started chatting, cracking jokes, laughing, insulting, pulling each others legs, giving each other shit for not staying in touch, etc. I don't remember what movie it was but did remember every single bit of the fun we had. We got six continuous center seats, and every single person around those 6 seats was in deep shit. We all had a lot to talk about, that we whispered to each other in between the screening movie. Sometimes the voices got so loud that some of the faces directed towards the screen were forced to deflect towards us. But today as everyday, none of us gave a shit. The term Shakyan Laughter was coined after Shakya's laughter. Usually, laughter in a normal person is a normal phenomenon. But once set off in Shakya, I don't know exact time or thing that inhibits it. There's no way you can avoid or prevent it. Its meant to happen. This laughter is also known for getting us all in to a lot of trouble. But, it felt like I was back, the same as I was before, and among the same friends who were so special not a single thing felt wrong at that moment. I felt relieved . Everything was normal and the way it's used to be.

Khambha as ususal talking about girls. Khambha has only two things to talk about: 1:girls and 2: girls only. He is the largest girls database in a biological form. But I can tell you the feeling that I was experiencing, knowing that nothing is changed. And after that, it was official, as always me and Malu were talking about music and movies, we also discussed some new bands. Sanchit also joined and added a more good topic to the conversation, it was games, my favorite. Shakya as always added good humor and spread some awareness regarding new fancy computer stuff. Dhrumil was distributing free advise regarding what-to and what-not-to do when you are committed. Yeah of course, he was committed and yeah that to in as strange way. Which I am not going to state, cant disclose this much. But the thing for you guys to know is that it was complicated. And he too had problems, something common for us guys to talk about but, I preferred not to rush into it. Movie was soon over. We rolled to vishnu and stuffed ourselves with vadapavs. I didn't eat much, cause it made me wonder if angel was taking her meals regularly. From that moment onwards the whole amazing day was fading away in the dark. The darkness was pulling me to it. I started feeling like crap again. I didn't know why it was happening, the only thing I knew was that it was happening so fast that I cant adjust to it. I felt like calling her in the middle of everything. Keeping aside all the pain, the hurt, the friends, and my dead brain. But my cell was nowhere to be found. It was a very important as well as wonderful day which was turning into a bizarre nightmare. The pain was coming back strong than ever. Hurt was in full swing. And I was dusting into the ground. It was getting late so we finally bade goodbye to each other and jumped back on the vehicles screaming to each other “Contact me Rehna Haramio” .

It was me and Dhrumil now. He was driving the bike and I was in the back seat. And it was about time when his never ending questions started. I tried to answer them with best possible explanation I got. Than he started with his love story. Soon we arrived at the meeting point near the railway tracks. I got off the bike and started walking giving Dhrumil a look of goodbye but he asked me to stay and do a little catch up. I thought “oh, hell this is going to be great”. And the conversation went something like this..

Me: Why? Whats there to catch up?

He: You'll feel a little better if you'll just talk about how you feel.

Me (in my mind): oh yeah. Lets see, my heart's ripped out, my brain's a dead weight, me soul's torn, my spirit is worn, top of my head is killing me and I feel terrible about this plan to open up to you. I'll rather tie a rope around my throat and pull it until my tongue lays flat on the ground.

He: C'mon dude, I too have problems, it felt good when I talked to you about it on the way here. Okay just tell me exactly what happened and the words she said. I've been there. Maybe I can help you in some way.

This made me remember that on our way back he had told me his story and of course the great deals of problems he's going to go through. But I kept okaying and didn't get hold of any single scenario he was presenting. A good thing about Dhrumil is that ; he will keep continuing with his matter of talk even if we don't okay him in between or ask him any particular queries. He wont stop for anything until he says what he has to say. This help me a lot, in conversation, to take long pauses, and he didn't even mind it.

Me: Dude, seriously, there's nothing to talk about. If there had been something I would have told you guys. But honestly dude, it's nothing, I'm fine.

He: Okay, let me see your palm, I can read palm to some extent. I can tell you what awaits you or rather waits for you.

Me(in my mind): holy shit, man, is this day going to end anyway. First the pain and then this palmistry crap. Dude, you better lay it off before I get really pissed. And this hurt had made me really cranky so I can't guarantee your safe return to you home.

He pulled my hand. It was the first time I had looked at my hand after splitting with angel. She used to take both of my hands and join them flatly and crack into smiles looking at them. When asked why, she would say: here the uppermost horizontal line of both of your hands when joined make a shape of a half moon, it means you'll marry the love of your life. And yet here I was not with her even for the sake of her words. I got mad as well as angry.
He took my hand and started describing various things, which didn't interest me at all but suddenly the word suffer fell on my ears...

Me: What?

He: Every single line on your palm is distinctly visible and clear. And you have lots and lots of it. This indicates you have a lot of sufferings in life and in future too you will suffer a lot. Life is not going to be easy for you. You have to try a lot more than harder, in order to achieve what you desire.

So on and so on...

Me(in my mind): Buddy I'm already stoned. You are peeing on a stone. Its only going to shower back on you. Even numb can be said better compared to me.

He: You recently had your heart broken. And its so hard to mend that you blame all around you for it.

Me(in my mind): Dude I'm right on the edge, don't push me or I'll choke your throat with my bare hands and drag you to your grave.

He: You need to bounce back.I recommend baby steps at the beginning.

Me(in my mind): And I recommend baby kicks to your groin. From beginning till you scream out load “no more”.

He: The bump below your thumb on your palm makes me think you have a good sexlife.

Me(in my mind): Dunce, at the moment I don't have a life. What the hell makes you think I give a damn about my sexlife.

He: Of course, only if you have a girl in your life.

Me(in my mind): A word more and my fist and your face are going to do the talking.

He: and yeah, you'll never run into a good amount of money.

Me(in my mind): That's it, it official, Dhrumil Shah, you, as a human being no longer deserve to breath in a single molecule of oxygen, run like hell before I produce a pistol, cock it and pop it up your ass.


This torture was not over and we saw an old looking man coming our way. He was on a cycle. As he approached towards us, he was already on the ground holding the cycle by one hand and other to cover his mouth as he was sneezing. His eyes was moist and looked mostly like an ordinary man. But his aura was so soothing. He turned to me and asked..

Old man: Do you believe in God?

Me: Ya sure, I also believe in cyborgs, sent to earth to destroy homosepians.

Old man: Son, its not a joke. Do you believe in God?

Me: At this particular moment I don't have any good reason to justify if I believe in anything.

Old man: You can't be both angry and not believe in God at the same time. Believe in all the spirits and God and he'll solve your problems. You just have to trust him today.

Me: You can believe in all the Gods and spirits you want but when it comes to this world, don't be an idiot. Because on a busy highway, when it comes to crossing it alone, I know you look both ways. This is not something that you can talk me in to. You'll have to try harder to get me to believe something out of my perception. At this moment even I don't believe in myself , let alone all Gods.

Old man: Your friends trust you.

Me: Then, they are headed for disappointment.

Old man: God trusts in you.

Me: Even if I'm more of a recruiter of the other side.

Old man: Yeah, he loves every one of you, the way you are, selflessly.

Me: why did you say “every one of you”...what about you.

Old man: Here, take my hand and let me show you.

Me: Whoa, step back old man, don't even think of touching me.

But before I could do anything he held my hand and asked me to close my eyes and listen to every single word he says, very carefully. I don't know why but, his hand was cold and it spiked a rush of calmness through my veins. He started:

Don't waste time hovering upon your hurt, take chance, be brave and dig up to the core and there my friend you'll find all your answers you are looking for. Never doubt yourself, you are always right, cause you always listen to your heart. In life always know what you want to do or what you want, and how far are you willing to go for it. Your destiny is never pre-written. It's not something to write. You are the architect, design it the way you want. And always remember, God helps those who fights and helps themselves to outshine among the others. Fear is your worst enemy. Never be afraid of it, instead try and put a face on it, so that you can know what you are afraid of. And once you put a face on it you can beat it or better use it. Its up to you to make yourself special. Son, this is why a green leaf floats and yellow sinks in the water. And Its never the end of anything, if you want it more than anything, it will be yours, but be pure at intentions, they are your only assets who can justify your actions in any situations. Never mourn. Always fight back.

After this session of weird things I bade Dhrumil goodbye and got back home. I was lying in the bed and said 1 thing to myself, you exactly know what you want, only problem is you don't know how to get it, but unless you get up and get a heads up, you will be stuck in this stinking hole for the rest of your life. I love her, why afraid of it. And I think if I try she'll know it too. I took out the notebook she had given me and read it all over again and again until I felt that it cant hurt me anymore. And most of all I found a way to fight back.

Even today, when I feel depressed I hold on to that note book and think that nothing can get worse than this. You'll surface this sooner or later. I don't know if there exist a God or not, I don't even have any view on it, but guys the incident that happened that day was life changing.

Then I found my cure in words and literature. Whenever I read something inspiring I was at top of my mood. Nothing can spoil it..some lines that can inspire you..

Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark,
in the hopeless swaps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all.
Do not let the hero in your soul perish,
in lonely frustration for the life you deserved,
and have never been able to reach.
The world you desire can be won.
It exists.
It is real.
It is possible.
And it is yours.

Thank you all..
and most of my thanks to my dear friends for being so amazing characters in real, everything around you guys is an adventure out of this world.
Dedicated to all my School Friends ...love you guys...:)

Metalhead

Whom would you call a Metalhead? Yeah, Metalhead. The word itself makes you think of a dorky white kid roaming around in his low bottom waist cut denims, long bleached or rare maroon straight hair hovering all over the face, more than 1 parts of the body pierced, dim witted, adequately drunk, screaming rage tattoos from head to toe, high on drugs, who just can’t get enough of his headphones and had got no religion other than to listen to the most heavy metal bands. But in reality there’s more than that in that guys, the only thing that makes them different is their perception towards life, love, hate, music and every other thing that we can think of. I want you guys to know what a true Metalhead is all about, cause I’m one of them. All above written things are bullshit. Metalheads do not follow a specific look or all listen to the same bands. According to Urban Dictionary, What's considered "metal" is so diverse and open ended that there are tons of different types of Metalheads. You've got your mainstream nu-metal/metalcore, thrash, death, black, power, grind, all of that kind of stuff, and everybody enjoys different kinds of metal outside of the mainstream Metalheads and perceptions of them. You don't have to exclusively listen to Slayer, Metallica, or Cannibal Corpse. Hell, you don't even have to like any of the "classic" bands. You don't need to be a long haired, dim-witted delinquent either. Or drink/do drugs. You can dress however you want; you wouldn't be able to tell some Metalheads apart from people who despise metal because they look the same. As long as you like some form of the metal spectrum, it's all good. Cause that’s how you actually relate your life to something that makes sense.

Sorry guys I had to waste one para telling you all the above crap. it’s just because I want you guys to be a Metalhead for this post, don’t try to judge, have a wide perception, I don’t want you guys to be narrow minded. Because as soon as I begin this story you’ll start taking sides. So, I wanted you ‘all to b very clear that sometimes you take some decisions not because it will hurt someone or other in any way but because, at the moment nothing else seems right. And also it’s never too late to let go off the mistakes you had done. Because sometimes, plain reality is not plain enough.

Metalheads coexist with normal humans, just like the parallel universes, they are not allowed to socialize with normal humans. It’s against the rules of Mother Nature. Apparently, I was the recent Metalhead who not only broke out but also got committed. I was the one disturbing the balance between parallel universes. And as you all know Mother Nature’s a bitch, my sins were going to come back and bite me in the ass. And finally one day my leash expired. The day arrived.
Since we got together things were going pretty great, except some misunderstandings here and there, but all together manageable. One morning, I felt like my bed was shaking like hell. It got me to wake up all of a sudden. After gaining cautiousness, I realized it was my cell not the bed, which was vibrating breathlessly. Yeah, this is one of the bad habits of committed people; they think of their mobiles as their loved ones and can’t let them out of their sight for a second, and even sleep next to them. I stared at the mobile screen for a while, it said angel calling. I wondered why she was calling. Though, every morning she used to leave me a good morning message. Of course, she was the early riser. She made sure that my every morning begins with her good morning message. It’s a wonderful feeling. It fills you with strength to fight through the day. Nothing else feels good. It changes you faster than you can think. You always expect the person to be the same; you don’t want anything to change between you. The way she looks at you, the way she makes you feel, the way she cares, talks, listens, you want it all to remain the way it is forever n ever. But the truth is people changes, if not for always than at least during certain circumstances. I don’t know how many of you out there are in love, and if whether any of you have noticed that music feels more magical than ever. You can literally listen to even the single vibration off the guitar string. You will even love the power packed high hat drum beats. Your observation power becomes so powerful that you can even apply to be a special agent working for the government. And then when you try to get used to it, life snaps you out of it just within a blink of an eye. Anyways, it was her 8th call this morning. I stood up, dialed her number as fast as I can. She picked up the phone and answered:

She: Where the hell have you been?

Me: In bed, why, what happened?

She: nothing, God, next time I’ll prefer waking up kumbhkaran rather than you.
Yeah it was an outdated joke but I don’t know how it made me smile. I guess it is the morning atmosphere; or rather it was just her.

Me: so how come you are calling in these hours of the day? Isn’t it the busiest hours in your house?

She: yeah, it is if my parents are around. But today it’s just us kids home. I’m home along with my sisters and some of mine cousins have paid a visit. Mom and Dad left early this morning and are not returning till night, so we’ll be chatting all day long. Isn’t it great?

Me: yeah, awesome. Looking forward to it.

She: I wanted to meet you but, I think rain has other plans. And also I can’t get out of the house saying nothing. I hope it’s okay, sweetie.

Me: yeah it’s okay. Just one thing.

She: yeah.

Me: I gotta pee.

She: euww...go pee. I’ll talk to you later. Love you.

Me: love you too.

I dealt with all my morning business and then waited for her call. She called around 12 in the noon. We had a long lovy dovy chat, which I’m not going to present. She ended the call saying I’ll call you later. But there were no more calls that day. I called her like a thousand times. Texted her, But no replies. Late in the night I got a text from her saying ”I’ll be giving you a notebook in the college tomorrow, it’s about my life, please read it”. I tried calling her but she switched off her cell. I got scared. My mind went into an endless loop of thinking over every past life possibility known to man. It’s too obvious to say I didn’t sleep that night. Kept turning from side to side. There were times where I fell off too. I tried listening to music and lighten my impulse. But the strange thing was that music didn’t help at all. Oh my God, what m I turning into. What’s happening to me? It never occurred to me that music can’t calm my head. It was the worst nightmare I witnessed while I wasn’t asleep, and it kept getting worse.
Somehow I survived through the night and packed up some strength to deal with what was going to come my way. I stepped into the bus and started waiting for her stand. It arrived and so did she. She didn’t had the courage to look at my faced but surely managed a smile while looking towards her feet. I walked up to her and asked..hey.! Is there something bothering you? You can tell me its fine. She looked at me trying to say something but was able to put ”you didn’t get much of sleep last night”. Yeah, but her eyes were red too. I offered ”how come you didn’t sleep?” she replied: look there something I need to tell you, I don’t know how to tell you face to face so here this notebook, take it and read it. And I hope you’ll understand. I was like oh my fucking God. This was definitely leading to a break up talk. I mean who are we kidding. “I hope you’ll understand”. Who the hell talks like that? I didn’t say a single word on my mind to her but was certainly freaked out. She slipped out a less than 100 paged notebook out of her backpack. She handed that to me, and signed me to leave. Every single hair on my body was standing at that particular moment. My mind was bragging about ”you should have stayed single ” crap and my heart just won’t stop bouncing. The book had some spooky faces at the top and some description about the caste and all stuff. I’m sick of these guys, they are even putting these stuff on notebooks. With my right shaking hand I opened it. It had some of its starting pages torn off. Clearly a sign of “ she was not good at break up letters”. Second thing I noticed was a never ending strings of Gujarati alphabets doing the “your are screwed” dance. I lost my calm. What the hell. Is she trying to give me a stroke? She must be out of her dang skulls. Who the hell knows how to read Gujarati? I don’t have time to take this over to the chemist so that he can somehow crack the message encrypted. I felt like throwing it out of the window. But I had to know what was in that. I thought Gujarati is just like Hindi minus the over lines. But it was not, and I didn’t realize it until I finished 18 pages of explanation. Every single thing in Gujarati. And these incidents followed a complete nervous breakdown. It was something like this:
After I talked to you yesterday, I found that one of my elder cousins was listening to all of our talks and later he talked to me or rather warned me that if I ever go against our family, it won’t be good. You forgot what happened last time. Yeah Sanket, I wanted to tell you this earlier but didn’t have the strength. I had a friend , a boy but not boyfriend, and sure as hell didn’t love her. But I had a feeling he had feelings for me. This was back in 12th class. He was in 1st year college and lived in my society. There was nothing more than some exchange of books and outdated study stuff but he decided to let me know that he loved me. One day he borrowed my maths book and then he put a chit inside it saying 143. I was so stupid those days I didn’t even knew what 143 meant. The idiot planted the chit in my maths book and handed it to my little sister to pass it on to me. But that night the book got into my cousin’s hand and he disclosed this to my parents without even asking me what was going on. Everyone thought that I was having an affair. Moreover, I dint get to explain myself. That night my father made it very clear that if I’m with any guy anyhow, the next thing I was gonna witness is my father’s grave and I don’t want to be a killer, and I can tell you, he was not bluffing. The chest pains were real. So whether you like it or not I can’t continue this relationship any further assuming everything will be fine. Because I remember the look on my father’s face, every bit of it. It haunts me in ways you can’t even imagine. I’m glad that I ran into a caring and loving guy like you and won’t forget you for the rest of my life but we can’t be together anymore. Take good care of yourself. You are a nice guy. Just don’t hide your emotions behind your witty humor, and not yourself behind the jerk you pretend to be, every single girl can fall for you. Last but not the least, I’m not in a position to say I love you or even I don’t love you because its better you don’t get even the slightest idea of it because I know you don’t give up easily. You’ll find your answers in music this day or the other. I know you won’t forget me. But I hope you forgive me. Wish you a happy life ahead. Bye.

I stepped out of the bus and ran as fast as I can towards the college’s main gate. I needed to pass out of there as soon as possible. But the bloody watchmen wont let me. I had to go to the class but I didn’t. I bunked a series of lectures, until I got a text from angel saying: Where the hell are you. Get into the lecture right now or the H.O.D will slice your head off. I replied: you meant of what’s left of it. Then I got couple of texts but I didn’t read it. Felt they were meaningless compared to my current situation. I was at the terrace of the main building. I was feeling droopy. I skipped breakfast this morning and didn’t have anything to eat and it was 2 in the noon. I was starting to feel my stomach shrink. It made various sounds. I just wanted to go home. Didn’t mean to create a scene. But you can’t have what you want. Most of my friends came to know. Everyone was out there looking for me to convey their condolences or to just rub it in my face. But after some time I got a call from angel, she said: hold one seat for me in the college bus in the 2 seater. We will talk on our way home. I didn’t listen to her and hung up. But as I made my way into the college bus she was waiting with an empty seat next to her. I freaked out but as every other seat was taken I had to sit somewhere. I took the spot. She said what you eat? I remained silent. She continued: I know you are upset and you have every right to be. But just think about it. There nothing I can do. Even if I’m able to convince my father, it’s not it. We are a joint family of four brother’s including my father. Every decision that is to be made has to run through the each four of them. And they won’t allow us of anything they refer to as stupid. They can harm you and your family in many different twisted legal ways. And I don’t want that for you.

I interrupted with: do you love me?

She said: it’s not about if I love you or not.

I hammered on “do you love me?”.

She : I think you need to ask that question to yourself. Do you think I love you? Cause it’s not about what I think. It’s about what you think and will it change under any circumstances?

Me: What do you mean?

She: Nothing, you’ll have a better life with me not in it.

Me: But it won’t be the life I want.

She: Think of it as it was never meant to be. We can’t outrun these worldly things. You have to let me go.

Me: I mean it to be. And I never said we had to outrun anything. I just want to be with you. Have you ever seen me smile like I smile when I’m with you? Why do you think a guy like me who gets bored yawning waited this long just to hear you say out loud the word he never imagined would come out of your mouth?

She: That’s the part you don’t understand. The way you feel with me and I feel with you will always remain exclusive. The moments I shared with you, they won’t repeat themselves with anyone else. That’s the beauty of it and I don’t want to ruin those moments by endangering our relationship to any bloodshed that love will bring for us. There will never be anyone else, but you. I love you. But I can’t be with you.

Me: So, that means I’m the guy, but according to you can never be the guy for you.

She: The memories you have given me will not fade in time. You’ll always be the guy I’ll be thinking of when the sun rises and set.

Me: What memories have I given you? We haven’t been on a single date, not even a movie or small walk.

She: It doesn’t have to be that way. It doesn’t have to be official. Doesn’t the small walks to the canteen and bus counts?

Me: Yeah they does but, I have so many memories to make yet. I always dreamt of walking right next to you in the rain holding your hand. Your head resting on my shoulders. Sometimes I feel like I’ve been there. It all feels so real. I can’t give up now. I’ve gone too far. I can never go back to my old life. It will never be the same. I can’t even think of a life without any good morning message from you.

She: I’m not going anywhere, at least not until these college years. I’ll be there for you every time, as your friend. All I’m asking is that please don’t expect anything from me. I fear I’ll end up hurting you. And good morning messages are not going anywhere.

Me: Today I know exactly what I want from life. This break up will soon turn into patch up. Love stories are stories until you try and turn them real. All it needs is a try. Cause I don’t wanna end up crying over my past and regretting not trying. And when I’m done convincing you, we’ll think of something to try and convince your father and other family members. I love you.

And that was the last thing I told her while grabbing her hand when she was about to leave as her stop arrived. I was ready for the healing to begin but, it’s not as simple as you think. When I reached home I switched off my cell, and landed on my bed thinking of what I was going to do. It was a week since I've been to college. For past few weeks I had practically lived in my denim. Mom and Dad were so upset. But I had nothing to say that could cheer them up. They kept on asking is there anything bothering you at college, and I kept denying. Then, along came Eminem. He’s seriously a fucked up dude but at the time exactly the one I needed. It always help you, when you know that there’s someone else in the world whose life is even more fucked up than yours. Eminem was the kind of hand I needed to pull me through darkness. I have literally listened to his every song. It makes you feel better. And moreover made me the Metalhead I am now. It made me realize, there are so many different ways you should look at life. Don’t be so narrow minded, and sooner I realized angel did what she had to do, and I had a very clear idea what I had to do. It’s never been so clear before. Soon the pain was going away, not the memories. But for the time it was best for me.

Weird is what makes you different.

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Have you ever taken any chances? Never thinking of what the outcome may be or how will it affect the lives of the ones you care for, or even life of your own, exactly knowing what’s on stake and what’s not, what you deserve and what you will get. Love is one of the greatest chances you can ever take in your life. Of course, it’s a long shot but you’ll catch up just fine. You will surely come to know why love is called the feeling that outweighs happiness. For those idiots out there thinking that love always brings pain, are all dickheads. Also if you feel that it doesn’t have anything to do with pain, think again. Pain is the most aspiring as well as inspiring part of love you hold for the significant other. Cause it has the potential to inspire you in ways that your other feelings cant. Secondly, it provides experience. Just think upon it, the experience you can extract from your darkest hour of pain will out sum your happy hours. I’d say pain is the reason we live through happiness, better yet feel happiness. It also helps you realize the true colors of your soul. What actually you think about any person. After all a strong man is measured by the decision he makes in tough times. Also it’s very important that you find the right person, it’s like the post I’m writing, I can load it up with any fancy English crap, but what good will it be if I don’t communicate.

Computer Students' minds are all twisted. And I was the special kind (at least I thought so). For instance, in examination hall if I can’t recall anything, I try to remember the song that was playing in the background while I was reading that topic. Yeah, sounds weird, but the really weird thing is that I can recall what I was trying to remember. If it’s so hard for you to deal with, then you can’t imagine what my angel, yeah now it’s okay to call her angel, my angel, would have thought. After all she’s just a simple girl, didn’t have a brain that can roam on such places to seek answers. Not even close. She was just awesome. And in true means “Way out of my league”. We had to keep our thing a secret as far as the college was concerned. That’s when I thought of Murphy’s law, it says if anything can go wrong, it will. We agreed on not telling anyone about our little secret. Clearly, one of us was not able to keep their end of the bargain. Okay, it might have been me, but what else do you expect from me I was new to this thing. I had disclosed this to couple of close friends, apparently one of them sold me out. Anyways, this night we had our very first fight. She got so pissed, she hanged up on me and called it off for that night. Again I was up all night. She said “how can I trust you with anything else let alone my life”. And she was true in every sense; I was the idiot who never knew what to do. I wondered if she is ever going to forgive me. Later that night she did but the thing was she can’t trust me with anything now. She didn’t say the words but what idiot won’t get that. Even more important was what I thought that she would have thought. You might have to read the previous line again. We’re dealing with love here, it more complicated than the recent lines. I thought she thinks of me as a guy who couldn’t keep his word. It was the first night I was experiencing the pain of love and was so stuck in it that I didn’t even thought for a moment that she was in that too. Whatever was going on in my mind, much worse was going in hers. And it was all because of me. Only if I hadn’t been idiot enough to rat it out. I kept texting her till her inbox blurted out ”please no more”. Later that night, though it was 3 a.m in the morning I’d prefer to call it night, I got a text from her asking was it supposed to be this way. I knew what she was up to, I mean it’s not even a week and I’ve already planted a bomb at the foundation. I didn’t know how I was going to clean up this mess. Suddenly I realized why not try the truth. I wrote: sorry, angel I didn’t mean to hurt you but it was my first dream come true, the girl I loved in my life loves me back. And I couldn’t keep it to myself. It meant nothing other than that. Tonight you are hurt cause of me, it would have been much less of it if I was not there. Pressed the send button and next second regretted mentioning the last sentence. It sounded more of melodrama rather than an apology appeal. In between I got a text from her, it read: you are such an idiot(my heart raced, now what). I myself choose to be with you. It so little compared to the feeling I get when I see you or when you are with me. You won’t be able to change it in any way. And yeah, you are such a drama queen. It put a smile on my face, but I knew this incident was going to leave a stain on her heart. I decided to be more cautious when dealing with this kind of delicate matter. But I am as god made me, meant to screw things up.

Now there was this day I had assembled a football team to play against the DA-IICT team, of course at DA-IICT, our college don’t have a football ground. And the team was assembled in last minutes, don’t get your hopes high thinking if we won the game. So anyway, on my way back home I way with my school friend. He’s been my friend now for over 6 years. Nice guy. Meanwhile, angel invited me to her home. It was 8 sharp in the evening. She said come soon I’ll introduce you to my mother, twin sisters and a younger brother. I asked what about your father? She said "he’ll be home soon from work. And remember it’s just a friendly visit. Be nice." I was like..is she out of her mind? I smell like shit. Sweat has left its geographical marks on each and every part of my body, the only thing I needed then was a bubble bath with soft shampoo pouring down my head. But as philosopher Jagger once said, you can’t always get what you want. So there I was VISITING my sasural the very first time, soaked in sweat. Even the blowing air could fracture my bones. I was tired to that extent. And what about my friend, will it be okay to bring him over. After a couple of thoughts I decided to take him along, as it would add up to so called friendly visit. And further, we decided to leave soon as possible. She was waiting at her Gate. She was dressed up in a light orange night suit irresistibly beautiful. I can actually see her eyes glow orange in the dark night. And I can tell you those eyes can work wonders. And they were on me at the very moment. I felt she could see through my soul. She paused for a second and asked me are you okay? I said what exactly are the color of your eyes? She was confused. Guys this is the ability of a girl that we can’t hold them accountable for. The ability to behave as if nothing is going on, even if there is. According to them a little bit seduction is okay. She smiled and escorted us to her home from there on. A pulse of fright ran through my body, can’t tell you the adrenaline rush. I stepped into a giant sized hall marble floored, attached kitchen to the back. Two single beds placed adjacent to each other by the corner. A T.V in one corner, I guessed it was not used for a long time. Everything was spotless clean and neat. Unlike my home. Everything was in the place where it belonged. Her mother greeted me from the doorstep and invited me in. She didn’t look that much aged. Most of the facial features was more of my angel. Her eyes scanned me for over a minute, I feared that next second I would be teleported to scary place the one from my darkest dreams. It was creeping me out but she was simply analyzing whether I was the good boy or the other way around. I put myself together, hardly. Next member I was introduced to was her younger sister, unfortunately I didn’t get to meet her other twin but it was okay. At least I had managed to meet her mother, it in itself was a great achievement. And in the beginning it’s necessary to take baby steps. I guess it went too cool. As far as I know, but of course I had to hear what her mother thought about me. In middle of my thought her mother came out of the kitchen and served us fried rice with little peanuts and kadhipattas in it. My angel came and placed 2 glasses of Rasna (mango flavored) beside the plates and whispered “I have made it for you” …enjoy your meal. Sometimes I’m driven with this strange momentary madness, and the moment was there, I took the glass in an instance and drank it to empty the other. I don’t know what caught me, I think it was just because I was going to drink something that has been made by my angel’s hands. Suddenly all jaws broadened. What the hell was that? This guy is surely a basket case. I felt embarrassed but somehow began eating. It was getting late and there was no sign of her father. My phone rang to its full volume. Metallica’s “The Memory Remains” flooded the quiet room. Point to be noted: Always turn vibrate on when in your g.f’s home. It was mom, she asked: dear aren’t you coming home, how long is it going to take? I managed: I’m on my way home, will be there in 15 minutes. That was the signal I can no longer wait for my sasurji to arrive. So I bid my goodbye to all and left with my friend. Angel said I’ll see to it that next time you meet daddy. I said I’m looking forward to it, but I was not and you’ll know why.

Exams were near and we planned combined studies, of course at her home, an excuse she made for me to meet her father. I reached her home at 8:00 a.m sharp; again her father was not there. She said he’s out working will be home anytime in noon. I was new soldier on the battle field, it was far better to wait for slow death than to be exterminated at once. She said lets study. I was like ”Yeah right, like I can study now”. She was serious, but according to me combined studies was a disaster. I thought it was just time taken out to be together. But apparently it was not. Nothing else is more difficult than sitting beside a girl and to think only about studying. Frankly it was the first time I felt like kissing her. But something inside me said. Go slow tiger, we’re not there yet. She’s too sensitive and you too are not ready. I somehow flunked the thoughts and concentrated towards the book. But with no background music I was unable to do so. I kept looking at her time to time, as I hoped she didn’t knew what I was doing. She suddenly burst into giggles as if she knew all the way about my sneak peeks. She said you’re cute, and a lot weird, but I guess weird is what makes you different. I said: Please, don’t push me, I’m right on the edge, I’ll end up kissing you. Speaking of weird, her father showed up in middle of the conversation, first example of bad timing. I gave out random smile at him. But he seemed aghast, like he was not happy about something. But why take it out on me. I certainly got the feeling, he was not that friendly. I was in enemy territory, and the war was on. My smiling peace proposal was desperately rejected. I had to take steps. Instead, I didn’t speak another word until I was compelled to. It’s what happens when you don’t get a smile in return of a smile. He was knocking me down. He came close, I was literally shivering. I thought he’ll ask my name, so I kept on practicing my name in my mind. he spoke…: What caste do you belong to? I said: Sanket. Second example of bad timing. Then realized, its not what he asked for. I quickly managed: sorry?. He asked again; what is your caste? Clean headshot, there was no further discussion. This man was clinically insane. I had lost the battle without even firing a single bullet. I didn’t know what to say. I hadn’t come across this kind of awkward situation in my whole life. I was a student of a school where these matters were of less concern. It hardly came up during my schooling year. Angel was my life saver. She said daddy he’s a student from central board, very bright and even more helpful, he has come here to help me with maths, truth was I sucked at maths even more to what this conversation was leading to. He said, “so I’ll take it as you don’t know your caste, I suppose you can at least tell me your surname or your father’s name”. Another headshot, this one pushing the previous bullet out from back of my head. It was turning nasty. The man was asking for all the things except the one I provided, my first name. I replied uncle, its Sanket Banker. And its better if you just grab it as Sanket, cause that’s the one you’ll remember after 4 years. He felt my words and responded: what are you going to do? I said, score good in exams, so you’ll remember my name and won’t ask for any other details. My marks will speak for me. But I hope you all know what I really meant. He was silent for the first time, after all, the soldier was not dead yet. Anyhow he survived 2 headshots. Last thing he said was “we are xyz”. Xyz is some caste. Sorry I can’t disclose it right now. It’s not the right time. I have just 1 request to you guys please, help me spread this message. If you love someone, not of your own caste. Recommend this blog, recent and upcoming posts, to your friends or anyone you like. But please see to it this thing don’t get unnoticed. Help me spread the awareness if you think what’s happening is wrong. Because its what we do, when something don’t make sense, we pick a pen and put sense into it, so that it mean something to someone, anyone. I was going to write my break up story but I thought this story was meant to be told. The thing for you guys to know is, we are together, and always will be, moreover, the feelings that we share today is truly out of this world, even if it will seize my existence, I’ll die fighting for it. Because this is as far as it gets. No more castism.

Special thanks to all my dear friends for being with us. God bless you all. And I’ll be writing more just need your support. If you like this post, even a bit of it, please leave me a comment. It means a lot, I’ll take it as a blessing.

Love You All. :)